Category Archives: Rant

The Great Server Debate

I’ve been a server off and on since I was 18, and during that time I’ve experienced a variety of environments.

The small town sports bar, Buzzard Billy’s Flying Carp Cafe, “high-end family dining” at MiMi’s cafe and my current gig at a brew pub in downtown Des Moines, among others.

During all these experience there’s always been one question that has yet to get completely answered and usually leads to conversation and opposing views.

Is it acceptable to use the word “guys” at a table.

ie: When greeting a table can I say, “Hey guys how are you tonight?”

Some of you are probably like, “yes, duh why not“, others are probably thinking “GASP, NO! I will be an addressed as a lady” and still others are clueless.

Anyway. Here’s the deal.

Some women (and even their male counterparts on occasion) get offended when they’re referred to “guys”. Since, most people think of it as a term that is supposed to be for men.

Well, here’s a brief history lesson.

The word guy first began in England right around 1605. When “Guy Fawkes” the man who tried to blow up parliament was captured. After that, guy Fawkes day was created. The citizens of London would make effigies of guy fawkes to burn them, later shortened to guy, and that’s how it originally started.

So, technically, even men should get offended because it’s referring to something that you’re burning out of anger and hate.

Forward fast to 2011 and look it up in Webster, and you’ll see it also says that “Guys” is a term used for “a group of people regardless of sex”

So, that gets all the facts and stuff out-of-the-way.

Now, my opinion on it.

I think it’s A-OK to use. My long drawn out, too complicated thinking on it is this.

Women have been (and still are) fighting for equality. They want equal pay, benefits, respect etc as their male counterparts. Which, they should totally get.

But then, why would you turn around and expect your server to talk to you differently because you’re a lady.

I should note that I don’t use guys all the time. I do still do my best to use gender neutral words like “folks” or if it is a table of all women , I use the term ladies.   But “guys” still slips out almost every time.

And on top of all that, your server has few more important things to worry about: getting your order correct, drinks, their other tables etc. Not, making sure they don’t call you a “guy”.

And while I’ve yet to have a table react badly to my vernacular, I have heard stories about people getting yelled at because they said “guys”.

And I’m not saying people who get upset over it are wrong, I’m just saying I think there are plenty worse things that could be said and done while you’re at a restaurant.

But I want your opinion.

Is it okay to use “guys”?

Lady readers-When a server says guys do you get upset or even notice it?

Man readers-What do you think? When you’re eating with your girlfriend and your server says “guys” do you notice?

Talk to me. I want to hear.


Who Says He Needs to be an Activist

In his just released auto-biography, “Welcome to my World”

Johnny Weir, olympic figure skater, known for his out there costumes and personality officially “comes out.” Putting to bed the rumors that have been circulating for awhile about his sexuality.

The response Weir’s gotten from the public isn’t quite what he thought it’d be.

Weir, a lot like Mr. Anderson Cooper from CNN, has never officially denied or confirmed his sexuality. He’s left it private, like it should be. (And for the record, Cooper is still on the mum about his orientation). So, Weir’s a little confused as to how this is all such a big deal. Especially since speculations about his homosexuality have long been assumed (think Ricky Martin and Clay Aiken, really, were any of us that surprised)

And in my opinion, I don’t know why it is such a big deal.

We’re living in a time where more and more people can’t understand while same sex marriage is such an issue, yet we’re still making a big to-do about someone just coming out of the closet?

In an interview on The Today Show Weir said:

“I was born a white male, a white gay male, and I don’t celebrate being white or male, so why should I celebrate being gay?”

Addressing the pressures he’s had from activists to pick up a flag and join the fight.

He went on to say “I think the best way I can be an activist is to live my life, and not make that the main thing that is Johnny Weir. I’m much more than just a gay man.”

He’s right. He’s a figure skater. It’s what he does and what he’s known for. He’s not an activist.

If he decides to take a more active role in the movement, fantastic. If not, so be it. No one should expect him to. Just like no one expects me to.

In my opinion, people really need to treat this, and any other other celebrity who comes out, like they expect people to look at marriage. Just let people live their lives.

People keep stressing that with the marriage argument. Two guys or girls getting married doesn’t effect anyone else but them. So no one should care about. They should just let them live and be happy.

Well, Johnny Weir “coming out” is the same way.

It doesn’t effect anyone else but Johnny Weir. So, leave him alone. Let him do his thing. Let him be happy and skate and support his decision to be an “activist” his way, by just living his life.