Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Great Server Debate

I’ve been a server off and on since I was 18, and during that time I’ve experienced a variety of environments.

The small town sports bar, Buzzard Billy’s Flying Carp Cafe, “high-end family dining” at MiMi’s cafe and my current gig at a brew pub in downtown Des Moines, among others.

During all these experience there’s always been one question that has yet to get completely answered and usually leads to conversation and opposing views.

Is it acceptable to use the word “guys” at a table.

ie: When greeting a table can I say, “Hey guys how are you tonight?”

Some of you are probably like, “yes, duh why not“, others are probably thinking “GASP, NO! I will be an addressed as a lady” and still others are clueless.

Anyway. Here’s the deal.

Some women (and even their male counterparts on occasion) get offended when they’re referred to “guys”. Since, most people think of it as a term that is supposed to be for men.

Well, here’s a brief history lesson.

The word guy first began in England right around 1605. When “Guy Fawkes” the man who tried to blow up parliament was captured. After that, guy Fawkes day was created. The citizens of London would make effigies of guy fawkes to burn them, later shortened to guy, and that’s how it originally started.

So, technically, even men should get offended because it’s referring to something that you’re burning out of anger and hate.

Forward fast to 2011 and look it up in Webster, and you’ll see it also says that “Guys” is a term used for “a group of people regardless of sex”

So, that gets all the facts and stuff out-of-the-way.

Now, my opinion on it.

I think it’s A-OK to use. My long drawn out, too complicated thinking on it is this.

Women have been (and still are) fighting for equality. They want equal pay, benefits, respect etc as their male counterparts. Which, they should totally get.

But then, why would you turn around and expect your server to talk to you differently because you’re a lady.

I should note that I don’t use guys all the time. I do still do my best to use gender neutral words like “folks” or if it is a table of all women , I use the term ladies.   But “guys” still slips out almost every time.

And on top of all that, your server has few more important things to worry about: getting your order correct, drinks, their other tables etc. Not, making sure they don’t call you a “guy”.

And while I’ve yet to have a table react badly to my vernacular, I have heard stories about people getting yelled at because they said “guys”.

And I’m not saying people who get upset over it are wrong, I’m just saying I think there are plenty worse things that could be said and done while you’re at a restaurant.

But I want your opinion.

Is it okay to use “guys”?

Lady readers-When a server says guys do you get upset or even notice it?

Man readers-What do you think? When you’re eating with your girlfriend and your server says “guys” do you notice?

Talk to me. I want to hear.

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It’s 2011 and I have a Bucket

I’ve always failed at 2 things when it comes to the New Year.

1) Making resolutions
and
2) Following through with resolutions if I did actually make them.

So, this year I’ve decided to do something different.

I didn’t want to be a complete,lazy,defeatist,quitter and not make any sort of goal; saying I’d never follow through. But I didn’t want to be too optimistic, make resolutions I knew I’d never keep and up feeling like a loser, full of contempt and self loathing.

Instead, I’ve opted for something new. This year I’m making a bucket list. A bucket list of 11 things that I want to do by 2012. And since that’s when the world’s supposed to end, at least I’ll die with life a bit more fulfilled. Even though I did have some bigger bucket list items I would have liked to have done.

The list is comprised of a variety of things. Some items are just fun things I’ve always wanted to do but never have. Others are legitimate goals that would indeed make me a better person and then there’s a couple that are just random and will do me no good. BUT, they’d be fun to do anyway.

So, with that said, in no particular order, I present my 2011 Bucket List.

1) Be a slam poet I saw my first slam poet my freshman year of college at a NACA conference, and I fell in love. The power, feeling and energy these people put into their performances is AMAZING. Since watching them, I’ve always wanted to try it, just once.

Photo Credit :http://www.dailymail.co.uk/2) Go on a solo trip Ideally this would be a impromptu trip. Where I decide just days before I leave that I want to. BUT in reality, it won’t happen that way. Partially because my work schedule wouldn’t allow it and also because I’d kinda like my trip to be somewhere I have to fly to. But really, I just want a trip where i don’t have to deal with or worry about anyone else and I don’t have to think. I just have to relax and enjoy myself.

3) Blog twice a week Blogging helps clear my mind and keeps my creative juices flowing. I quite enjoyed blogging back in the day when I was actually doing it regularly, and I’d like to pick it back up.

4) Call my parents at least once a week, individually This is one of my “this will actually make me a better person” goals. I’ll be the first to admit I suck at talking to my parents. In the sense of actually doing it and because I never really have a conversation with them when I do call. If I actually called them regularly, beyond the “Hi, nothing’s new, bye” or the “Hi, I broke my car. What do I do” I’d feel better about myself.

5) Perform in drag Yes, I’m serious. I’ve always loved drag queens. I think it’s the theatre nerd in me, and I’ve always wanted to perfrom legitimate drag. Sure, I did Simpson drag shows back in the day. But my makeup and outfits were horrible. I want it to be legit……..Well for the most part. My ideal drag character is a Ke$ha impersonator. A character. Someone, big, over the top and obnoxious. Something that manages to look like a big hot mess, but on purpose. Not just because I didn’t know how to do my makeup.

6) Take part in the 48hour film festival This another one of the things I’ve wanted to do for a few years, but never have. It’d be fun to be an actor in one of them. But, the boyfriend and I have also been talking about actually heading up a team and making our own film. I’d LOVE to do a campy-goofy-John Waters-this is actually a bad movie-but it’s funny-so I like it-type movie.

7)Go to my first concert Yep, you read it correctly. I’ve never actually been to a concert. Well, sort of. I’ve worked production on a few concerts in Des Moines and I did the programming thing in college. But I’ve never had the real experience. The spending money on tickets, waiting in line for hours, paying too much for merch type experience. I want that. Preferably, it’d be Lady Gaga ( I heard she’s in Omaha in March!!)

8 ) Reduce my closet by half I have way too many clothes. No argument. And no matter how many times I attempt to go through it and throw stuff out, I still keep way too many things thinking “I’ll need this someday”. I really need to just bust my own balls, say NO and get rid of things.

9) Take a community education class Something fun and random, like knitting (no, I’m serious) Or maybe even useful like html coding or a nutrition class.

10) Apply for The Amazing Race In college I was dead set on getting cast on a reality tv show and even made it to the semi-final round for the Real World at one point. But as I’ve grown older and wiser. The days of trashy reality TV are gone. This time I want to do The Amazing Race with the boyfriend. He’s agreed to it, so all we need to do is apply. And if you know us and have seen us interact, you know we have a chance.

11) Beat a video game This is one goal I NEVER would have thought I’d set. And anyone I who knows me college would agree. But, now that my apartment is home to a Wii, Xbox and PS2 I find myself gaming a bit more. The last game I beat was Super Mario Brothers on the DS and before that……….Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo…when I was 10. (And this would be a pointless no good goal for the year)

So there you have it. A few of these I could easily do in just a day. Others may take some time. And I’m also sure there’s other things I’ll add to the list as the year goes on. But I’d really like to do them, for once, they’d all be a lot of fun (well minus having to get rid of clothes). But even then I’d be doing a good thing.

But yea,stay tuned and we’ll see what happens.


The Best New Year’s Eve ever…well minus the dead car

So, while my New Year’s didn’t go QUITE as I had thought it would when I woke up Friday morning, it still ended up being quite wonderful.

Originally, the plan was to celebrate it at the Des Moines Social Club. I had spent the last couple months working on “The Bash” & I was excited to see it all come together.

Well, on my way down to DMSC Friday morning, disaster struck!

My car hit some ice, I slid/skid/swerved out of control annnd my car made out with the median. Air bags deployed and as of Monday, my car is officially in car heaven.

And while not having a vehicle is a downer. It’s about time she went there. She was very much on her last leg anyway.

After dealing with that and getting it towed and etc. I wasn’t really up for mass celebration. So, the boyfriend and I stayed it. And it was a fantastic evening.


There was….



Wii playing







And snack making






















and cocktails























and, of course, photo taking





It was fun. It was easy and relaxed and we watched bad movies and I loved it.

Annnnd it was also special because it essentially marked 1 year since the boyfriend and I started hanging out.

So, while it wasn’t originally the glamorous, night on the town, NYE I had originally visioned, it was fantastic and I wouldn’t have changed a thing……Well, except I would have a car.